she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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