i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
