The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
