Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
