I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
