Michael Bay diarrhea
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
