So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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