this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
