i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize