1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
