1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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