It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
