HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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