i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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