how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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