Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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