I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
