He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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