woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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