Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
