You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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