is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
