She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.