When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
