if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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