They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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