at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize