The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
