Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
