Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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