Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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