She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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