She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize