i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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