weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had sex on a roof
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
