I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
