woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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