i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
