Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
