Will you blow on my dice?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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