I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
