we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this is an emotional support booty call
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
