It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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