Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
