My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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