i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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