oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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