i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
