so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
