were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
