I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
