3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
