How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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