Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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