and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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