It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
