my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
