I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
