I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
