I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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