Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
