my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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