i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
