i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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