i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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