so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
her vagine was all disorganized.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
