Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
40s are totally the cure
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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