I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
