Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
