One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
