He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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