I'm really into asian looking animals
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
