happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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