Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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